MY SOUL MATE

WHAT IS DATING?

The word "dating" Means; to investigate or to do a research on somebody, (by verbal communication,
by meeting and discussing the inner motives which motivates ones vision and purpose in life.
Through dating people are able to share opinions and point of views together with the person that one intends to marry.
Dating is to listen to someone's voice, opinions, heart desires, motives,
and dreams, for the sake of finding out if he or she is the soul that was created to be your spouse in marriage.
A person with whom one has such a social appointment or engagement, an appointment in time which can lead someone's life into the discovery of his purpose in life or soul mate.
But on the other hand; dating can also become the occasion through which ones life is misled from the path of his purpose in life.
How do I avoid being misled through dating?
No body goes shopping with out knowing what he or she wants to buy, in simple terms this means; do not ever let your decisions be determined by the outer appearance of a woman's or man's beauty.
Dating is a process through which a person can be able to find out if a woman's or a man's desires, motives, purpose in life are in agreement with the vision, (God's will) which governs ones destiny.
You can avoid being misled through dating by putting your motives right before dating; first ask yourself what is the reason for my dating?
Am I dating because am looking for someone to flirt with, am i dating because am trying to find a one night stand or am I dating because of the sexual lust and sexual fantasies which are over whelming my mindset?
And if those are the reason why you are dating, then you are going to be misled.
But if your are dating to fulfill the will of God over your life, then the will of God will guide you into your decision of finding your soul mate (spouse in marriage).
Genesis 2:24 says: the man shall leave his father and mother and be joined wife, and they shall become one flesh (married or soul mate).

These Article part was brought to you form the Stable of Apostle A. Ngabo

Then of all i say Dating simply means companionship in between two opposite sex envisaging to have a Soul mate.
During this period, motive and verbals communication are the power that drive each other to known better and improved as a co-worker, class mate during assignment, but at the primate then marriage may comes in.

A SAD EXPERIENCE OF A LADY

Both of them meet at a conference meeting and they exchange numbers, she happen to know where he worship and also she do too. Few days later he called her to tell her that he is interested in both of them becoming one and she said let hold our self and see if we can maintain our standard as friends. Thought she long for a partner before then she immediately put on the face of now am fixed. When the guy saw this he also jump to the end that he already have a woman to command. Thanks be to God for communication popularly called Hand set, both start calling each other where are now? Am in the class for lecture and you? Am going home from work. But there are misconception in there communication like he saying: i believe you are in a mans house saying you in class? What are you doing with those stupid friends of yours out of that place now before i change my mind(this are part of there communication on phone) to the extent that all her friend in school were like who is this phone husband of yours which will not give you rest in life.
There was these blessed day she have to visit her sister, and when she got there in the mind night her sister son started crying and she helping to pet the boy when her phone rang. She quickly pick up the phone to tell the man that she was in her Aunty place but the guy did not listen to her he just start to range on her prostitute you have a got to pick my call in there house whoa they have upgraded you to look to my face; not asking where she was but because of the baby cry he keep on talking and her sister was also there listening.
When she can not talk her sister collected the phone from her to talk to this guy but he off the line. The following mourning, the Aunty now called these guy but when he had her voice he quickly hang up the phone. Then Aunty then said when did both of you start this madness she reply and said we meet two month ago and we have being in relationship since then. The sister who are his friends? She said i don’t know. The sister said you have not date you said you are into a relationship how will you say you are in relationship with some one you hardly know?

After you have been satisfied that you both can manage each other better when you have know each other then you can start what is called relationship.

“Dating, a more modern approach, begins when either the man or the woman initiates a more- than-friends relationship with the other, and then they conduct that relationship outside of any oversight or authority. Dating may or may not have marriage as its goal”.

What's wrong with dating?

There are many forms of dating, perhaps as many as there are people. Everyone has a different view of what is right and wrong. But there is a glaring fault in many of our models, a double- standard. Once we are married, we recognize that certain things are sacred to our partner. Things such as co-habitation, kissing, intimate hugging, s_x* and bringing up children. We recognize that not only our physical body, but our emotions, even our spirit are dedicated to that one partner, for the rest of our life (according to our vows).

The dichotomy is this: in dating, we presume to partake of many of these privileges of marriage. We would be shocked if a married man had an emotional attachment to another woman, and yet it's quite acceptable for singles to have a different emotional attachment every week. On the one hand, we save s_x for our partners (and some even do that sparingly), but on the other, we engage in rampant emotional promiscuity, giving pieces of our hearts away until one wonders what will be left for that special, life-long partner.

I have adopted the view that the Bible holds the truth for life today. If you feel that the Bible is not the standard for your relationships, then you might find some interesting information here, but you may remain unconvinced. If you're still not sure about this whole Christianity thing, now might be a good time to check out my essays on Christianity. Otherwise, you need to take the perspective that it's not what you want, but what God wants.

The primary purpose of marriage is not to please you, but to serve God. (Another way to say this is "Our pleasure is not God's number one priority!") God wants us to be happy, but "happy" is subject to so many variances in circumstances that it is a very poor standard with which to judge life. Genesis says that God created Eve as a helpmeet -- to help Adam perform his duty, working the garden and taking dominion over the earth. That is God's purpose for marriage – a team, fulfilling His call together – pleased with each other, certainly, but primarily focused on Him, not their own pleasure.

So to have a successful marriage, the most important thing is to ensure that you follow His principles that He laid down when He designed marriage. The irony is, when we focus on His principles instead of our pleasure, we end up having a very satisfying and pleasant marriage!

By Nathan Bailey

Things and places to avoid when you are dating.

Before you date someone, remember to do your home work first, so that you may have guidelines that will enable you to hold fast to the integrity of your dignity and also preserve the spiritual value and physical status of your purpose of dating.

Ask yourself: Why am I dating?

Do not forget that you are dating for the sake of finding a spouse for marriage, and not a one night stand.

Do not open up yourself (expose your nakedness, give out the merchandise or have sex) with a person before he or she reveals his commitment to the value and the decisions of your dating.

You are dating to find a spouse for marriage, and not to have sex before marriage or a one night stand.

stay away from things and places which can or will stimulate intimacy.

Do not put yourself in a risk zone where you will begin to entertain emotions of sexual pleasure while you are dating, because many people always fall for the outer appearance of someone's physical nature, and they forget to take time to investigate the inner beauty of their nature.

One woman once said; "he told me that he loved me and he had also promised to marry me, but after having sex on our first day of dating, he decided to dump me like a piece of trash".

It is not good to go to the cinema or the movies while you are dating, because then you are creating an atmosphere of intimacy (stimulating sexual fantasies and desires),

which will lead to a strong an controllable desire of wanting to have sex. And again let us rehearse your purpose of dating: "you are dating because you want to find out if or she is the right person or soul mate for your marriage".

When you value yourself also the person you are dating will value your relationship.

As you are dating do not expose yourself to alcohol or any strong drinks which has the ability to affect your judgement.

Because alcohol is a substance that can make someone open up his or her emotions for sexual desire, sexual lust and fantasies which he or she cannot control.

Also being in a place where you are completely alone with the person you are dating is not advisable. for example; being alone in each others home is not good.

When you are dating try to go to public places like restaurants, parks and places where you know you are able to communicate, share ideas, exchange thoughts, learn to know each other's motives, goals, and purpose in life.

Do not put yourself in a position where the stimulation of sexual fantasies will become the centre or the purpose of your dating.

Apostle A. Ngabo

THE PROBLEM OF DATING

· leads to intimacy but not necessarily to commitment.

· tends to skip the "friendship" stage of a relationship.

· often mistakes a physical relationship for love.

· often isolates a couple from other vital relationships.

· in many cases, distracts young adults from their primary responsibility of preparing for the future.

· can cause discontentment with God's gift of singleness.

· creates an artificial environment for evaluating another person's character.

· develops a self-cantered, feeling-oriented concept of love.

· teaches people to break off difficult relationships, conditioning them more for divorce than marriage.

· develops an appetite for variety and change, creating dissatisfaction within marriage.

· causes late marriages, leaving more time for falling into sins associated with singleness.

· promotes lust and moderate sexual activity, opening the door for fornication.

· creates a permanent endorphin-bond between two people who will not spend their lives together.

· creates a standard of comparison by which mates are first chosen, but after marriage rejected.

· lacks the protections and guidance afforded by parental involvement of courtship.

· doesn't prepare children to face "life's realities" -- it warps life's realities!

· devalues sex and marriage.

· destroys fellowship, leaving Christians alienated and ineffective for cooperative ministry.

· embarks on a romantic progression before people are ready to follow through (and commit to marriage)

· encourages short-term relationships over long-term friendships

Covenant vs. Contract

God designed relationships to operate in covenant. A covenant is a commitment that cannot be broken. In our contract-happy society, we think of legal contracts -- as soon as one party fails to fulfill their obligations, the other party is free from the commitments of the contract. In covenant, the commitment holds regardless of the performance of the other party.
An example of covenant relationship is God's love to us. No matter what we do, God is committed to our covenant! How different our view is -- at the first difficulty, we pronounce that "our marriage isn't working out" and we terminate the covenant. But it can't be terminated! It's a lifelong commitment, and it cannot be broken! (See also: Covenant and divorce).
With a life-long focus, you want to get it right the first time (since there will be no 'second time'! :)

Debunking arguments for dating

There are two arguments commonly raised in favour of dating. Firstly "If people don't date, how will they learn to relate with the opposite sex?" and secondly "Dating is just cultural. Our culture dates, the Jewish culture courted." I'm going to debunk these myths by taking them to their logical conclusions. :)
The first statement can be reinterpreted positively two ways "Dating teaches people how to conduct [good] relationships with the opposite sex," or "Dating is the only way people can meet their partner in our society." If the first statement were true, then we should see a growth in strong relationships and strong marriages since the invention of dating earlier this century. Instead, we see an exponential increase in divorce, date rape and many other stains on society. The evidence shows that dating does NOT build strong relationships at all! For the last 1900 years, people have been building good relationships with the opposite sex without dating.
What about meeting your partner? How can anyone expect to meet their mate if they don't date? I question if dating is the best environment to determine if someone has the qualities you desire in a mate. Much better opportunities lie in team ministry, or families visiting families, etc, where there is no emotional involvement, and no agenda to give a good appearance. Then partners can truly judge how that person acts in a variety of circumstances, before they even commence in their relationship. But more about that later! :)
Some people say that dating is our culture. But our culture also says that you should sleep with your partner and live together for a while before you get married, if you get married at all. By what standard do you call the first "acceptable culture" and the second "unacceptable?" The same standard must be used to judge both, and the Bible is not ambiguous in its teaching on relationships. How then can we justify drawing the line between emotional promiscuity vs. physical promiscuity instead of complete fidelity vs. promiscuity?

Dating vs. relating

I think hanging out with the opposite sex is very healthy and necessary. As singles, we need to invest in relationship with each other -- to encourage, to nurture, to bless and to protect. God has created each of us with strengths and weaknesses, and in our single years it is especially important to maintain a vital social network of Christian brothers and sisters to ensure balance and growth.
What I am highlighting is 'special' hanging out that encourages such distinction and segregation, as one couple distinguishes themselves from all others and loses the strength and support of that network by focusing on each other rather than maintaining a balance of focus that includes equal time for God and their community. And a relationship that provides the 'benefits' of a romantic relationships without the 'boundaries' of a defined, covenental relationship.
Let's maintain vibrant social networks, built on shared mission, shared commitment to God, shared interests and shared service. But let's do it in a way that focuses growth in character and godliness (Heb 10:24-25), and avoids romance without commitment.

An overview of dating and courtship

Dating was invented in the early part of this century. Prior to that time, marriage always involved much more input from the parents, and "trial relationships" leading up to marriage were not conducted at all. Courtship, which I intend to discuss further in this series of articles, seeks to fulfill the Godly model described in the Bible, which was conducted by God's people up until the invention of dating. My basic premise is that regardless of how we feel about things, we should follow God's model, because it will be the most effective and fulfilling. My intention is to convey that conviction, then to describe my current understanding of His model.

In overview, courting should only happen once and ends in a life-long covenant relationship. Dating happens lots of times, and ends in many hurts, heartbreaks, scars, and if you're lucky, a partner that just may stay with you for the next few years, or (if you're really lucky) the rest of your life.

In the modern dating scene you usually hide all your faults to give a false impression about yourself, in order to keep your partner liking you. Recreational dating is about self- gratification – you date to satisfy your own needs.

Courtship is about open and honest exploration of each others lives and families leading up to engagement and marriage. Courtship is about marriage – you court in order to see if there is any reason why you shouldn't get married. There is no romantic interaction until after the commitment to marriage.

Courtship is a word that has been adopted to describe a biblical model for the relationship leading up to marriage. In the Bible, the parents were always involved in the marriage process. They did not arrange the marriage without the children's consent, although they were certainly involved in the arrangements. Sometimes the parents found partners for the children, and then the children were consulted for their opinion. Other times the son would approach the daughter's father and make arrangements with him.

By Nathan Bailey

WHAT IS RELATIONSHIP?

· The way in which two or more concepts, objects, or people are connected, or the state of being connected.

· The state of being connected by blood or marriage.

You can not connected with someone you hadly know after you have know the person very well and have made up your mind that both can married, agreed by both party, then you can now say am in a RELATIONSHIP.

Many teen who are not even set always say am in relationship then i do ask what kind of relationship is this when it’s not in business. The only way to be related is by mutual concept of marriage or by natural law of blood. In this stage a man is accepted by his in-laws and the woman has been betrothed to the man by both families unofficial. Both can affect decision in both party families. And can also be affected by any decision taken in the families.

When we are talking about Relationship in term of marriage it will not be good if i do not mention the keys that must change with the padlock thrown into the sea.

(1) You don’t blame or cast blame when you are in relationship

(2) Everybody says there mind

(3) Everybody must be a good listener

(4) Both must be responsible for each other raising and falling

(5) Responsibility is the action nothing called “have say so’’, “I know this is what we happen”, “thank God You’ve learn your Lesson” and so many words that causes misunderstanding

(6) Mutual agreement is prioritize

(7) Family standard are shared and build.

What is a real relationship?

A real relationship is one where you love that person enough to be honest. Honest about who you are, honest about what you plan to do and be, and honest about how you feel about them and what they do and say. If you haven't picked out the common theme in this paragraph yet, I'll lay it out for you :) Next to love, the most important ingredient in relationships is open, honest communication.

How do you develop in this area of honest communication? In the Western world (especially in Australia), we tend to be shallow in our relationships, comfortable talking about hobbies and the weather, but rarely talking about our struggles, vulnerabilities and insecurities.

As Christians, this should be one of our major areas of witness -- showing how the grace of God makes up for our inadequacies. Too often, however, we are too scared to talk about our inadequacies, and thus others never get to see the grace of God working in our lives. Worse, we don't even take these inadequacies to God, in the fear that if He "finds out about them", He won't love us, or He won't forgive us.

If, as someone who is preparing for marriage, you are not at the point where you can communicate with transparency and vulnerability, then you need to work on these areas! Communication is a crucial foundation to every marriage, and open communication is necessary in order to understand what is truly motivating each other when you have differing points of view.

There are two key relationships you should establish to help develop these skills -- a mentor, and an accountability partner. A mentor is someone who is further along the path that you want to travel. They should be someone you respect and someone who holds similar views and convictions to you in the area you want to be mentored. An accountability partner is a friend who is more of a peer -- someone who is going through the same things you are, and with whom you can share your success and failures and find encouragement from the synergy of shared experience.

These relationships will not only help to prepare you for marriage, they will also serve you to keep your marriage well established and growing healthily.

Love thy neighbor?

Together with open and honest communication, the other major component in any successful relationship is love. What does it mean, to love someone? We have all heard the idiom "love is a choice", but what kind of choice is it? Pastor Craig Hill sheds some light on this issue by bringing in 'loving your neighbour' and Romans 12:10.

Pastor Hill says that love is "choosing what is best for the other person". That's NOT the same as choosing what the other person wants. It's always having the other person's BEST interests in mind. Sometimes, this may mean disciplining them, correcting them, or exhorting them to change. Other times it may be to quash a selfish desire in your heart in favour of their desires. Basically, it means taking the focus off yourself and looking at what you can invest in the other person.

In the context of courtship, there are two neighbours that we should love (i.e. keep their best interests at heart). Firstly, there is our future spouse. Keeping her/his best interests at heart would result in things like saving your sexual and emotional purity for her/him, developing your character and preparing resources for a stable marriage with her, etc.

Secondly, there is the future spouse of that person you are interested in. Unless you are ready for marriage, you should not be having 'emotional exchanges' with any member of the opposite sex. You should treat every friend as thought they will be someone else's spouse. Loving that spouse as a neighbour means treating this person as a brother or sister in Christ, not defrauding their emotions or their purity but investing in them without motive for selfish gain.

Love or commitment, which comes first?

Some people wonder about a relationship where there is 'no romanctic involvement before marriage' and the possibility that a couple could get married only to find out they have no sexual or romantic feelings for each other. To clarify, however, my conviction is that you shouldn't be romantically involved until after the commitment to marriage. This is the only way I can see of ensuring that you only romance one partner in your lifetime.

If you allow the romance before the commitment, then there is the possibility of several romances, with all the pain and emotional baggage that it entails.

Now this isn't the same as saying there no romance before the marriage/wedding ceremony! I think as well as being time for planning for the wedding, the engagement period is also the time when the couple fall head-over-heels in love with each other, so that by the day they get married, they are totally besotted with each other ;-)

Another comment has been that romance should be the very last stage a couple goes through before they consider marriage. I almost agree with that statement -- it's only the "consider" bit I disagree with. I think they should consider first, then romance.

I guess my conviction arises out of the fact that people's feeling wax and wane -- romance is a subjective feeling and when the rough times come, romance isn't what will keep you together, it's your commitment that will. Thus the Bible says to "love the one you marry" (Eph 5:28,33) rather than to "marry the one you love."

If, after working through all the courtship process and making a commitment for marriage, no attraction or romance develops, I would be quite concerned. But many surveys have shown that older couples say their love increased over time -- so getting married on the love you feel in your 20s isn't necessarily a good standard!

As far as attractiveness goes, I think that's one of the first things people consider in a relationship (whether that's a good idea or not is another story, but like it or not, we do judge people by their attractiveness to us!) so I think sexual attraction would follow as a natural consequence of the initial attraction and the growing feelings of romance and love.

Then we now move to what is called Courtship

Lest talk about the Differences

The Differences Between Courtship and Dating

What are the differences in these two systems? For our purposes, there are three broad differences between what has been called biblical courtship and modern dating.
1. The Difference in Motive
The first difference lies with the man's motive in pursuing the relationship. Biblical courtship has one motive — to find a spouse. A man will court a particular woman because he believes it is possible that he could marry her, and the courtship is the process of discerning whether that belief is correct. To the extent that the Bible addresses premarital relationships at all, it uses the language of men marrying and women being given in marriage (see Matt. 24:38; Luke 20:34-35).
Numbers 30:3-16 talks about a transfer of authority from the father to the husband when a woman leaves her father's house and is united to her husband. The Song of Solomon showcases the meeting, courtship, and marriage of a couple — always with marriage in view. I am not advocating arranged marriages; rather, I am pointing toward the biblical purpose for why young men and women associate with one another. These passages do not argue that marriage should be the direct goal of such relationships so much as they assume it.
Modern dating, on the other hand, need not have marriage as a goal at all. Dating can be recreational. Not only is "dating for fun" acceptable, it is assumed that "practice" and learning by "trial and error" are necessary, even advisable, before finding the person that is just right for you. The fact that individuals will be emotionally and probably physically intimate with many people before settling down with the "right person" is just part of the deal. Yet where is the biblical support for such an approach to marriage? There is none. How many examples of "recreational dating" do we see among God's people in the Bible? Zero. The category of premarital intimacy does not exist, other than in the context of grievous sexual sin.
The motive for dating or courting is marriage. The practical advice I give the singles at our church is, if you cannot happily see yourself as a married man (or woman) in less than one year, then you are not ready to date.
2. The Difference in Mind-set
The second major difference between biblical courtship and modern dating is the mind-set couples have when interacting with one another. What do I mean by that? Modern dating is essentially a selfish endeavor. I do not mean maliciously selfish, as in "I'm going to try to hurt you for my benefit." I mean an oblivious self-centeredness that treats the whole process as ultimately about me. After all, what is the main question everyone asks about dating, falling in love, and getting married? "How do I know if I've found the one?" What is the unspoken ending to that question? "For me." Will this person make me happy? Will this relationship meet my needs? How does she look? What is the chemistry like? Have I done as well as I can do?
I cannot tell you how many men I have counseled who are terrified to commit, worrying that as soon as they do, "something better will come walking around the corner."
Selfishness is not what drives a biblical marriage, and therefore should not be what drives a biblical courtship. Biblical courtship recognizes the general call to "do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves" (Phil. 2:3, NIV). It also recognizes the specific call that Ephesians 5:25 gives men in marriage, where our main role is sacrificial service. We are to love our wives as Christ loved the church, giving himself up for her. That means loving sacrificially every day. Biblical courtship means that a man does not look for a laundry list of characteristics that comprise his fantasy woman so that his every desire can be fulfilled, but he looks for a godly woman as Scripture defines her — a woman he can love and, yes, be attracted to, but a woman whom he can serve and love as a godly husband.
In other words, modern dating asks, "How can I find the one for me?" while biblical courtship asks, "How can I be the one for her?"
3. The Difference in Methods
Third, and most practically, modern dating and biblical courtship are different in their methods. And this is where the rubber really meets the road. In modern dating, intimacy precedes commitment. In biblical courtship, commitment precedes intimacy.
According to the current school of thought, the best way to figure out whether you want to marry a particular person is to act as if you are married and see if you like it. Spend large amounts of time alone together. Become each other's primary emotional confidantes. Share your deepest secrets and desires. Get to know that person better than anyone else in your life. Grow your physical intimacy and intensity on the same track as your emotional intimacy. What you do and say together is private and is no one else's business, and since the relationship is private, you need not submit to anyone else's authority or be accountable. And if this pseudo-marriage works for both of you, then get married. But if one or both of you do not like how it is going, go ahead and break up even if it means going through something like an emotional and probably physical divorce.
Such is the process of finding "the one," and this can happen with several different people before one finally marries. In the self-centered world of secular dating, we want as much information as possible to ensure that the right decision is being made. And if we can enjoy a little physical or emotional comfort along the way, great.
Clearly, this is not the biblical picture. The process just described is hurtful to the woman that the man purports to care about, not to mention to himself. And it clearly violates the command of 1 Thessalonians 4:6 not to wrong or defraud our sisters in Christ by implying a marriage-level commitment where one does not exist. It will have a damaging effect on the man's marriage and hers, whether they marry each other or not.
In Biblical relationship, commitment precedes intimacy. Within this model, the man should follow the admonition in 1 Timothy 5:1-2 to treat all young women to whom he is not married as sisters, with absolute purity. The man should show leadership and willingness to bear the risk of rejection by defining the nature and the pace of the relationship. He should do this before spending significant time alone with her in order to avoid hurting or confusing her.
He should also seek to ensure that a significant amount of time is spent with other couples or friends rather than alone. The topics, manner, and frequency of conversations should be characterized by the desire to become acquainted with each other more deeply, but not in a way that defrauds each other. There should be no physical intimacy outside the context of marriage, and the couple should seek accountability for the spiritual health and progress of the relationship, as well as for their physical and emotional intimacy.
Within this model, both parties should seek to find out, before God, whether they should be married, and whether they can service and honour God better together than apart. The man should take care not to treat any woman like his wife who is not his wife. Of course he must get to know his courting partner well enough to make a decision on marriage. However, prior to the decision to marry, he should always engage with her emotionally in a way he would be happy for other men to engage with her.
In all these ways, a biblical relationship looks different from a worldly relationship. If this is done well, Christian women will be honoured, even as they are pursued. Christian wives will be honoured. And God will be glorified

WHAT IS COURTSHIP?

Courtship is the period in a couple's relationship which precedes their engagement and marriage, or establishment of an agreed relationship of a more enduring kind. In courtship, a couple get to know each other and decide if there will be an engagement or other such agreement. A courtship may be an informal and private matter between two people or may be a public affair, or a formal arrangement with family approval. Traditionally, in the case of a formal engagement, it has been perceived that it is the role of a male to actively "court" or "woo" a female, thus encouraging her to understand him and her receptiveness to a proposal of marriage. Within many western societies, these distinct gender roles have lost some of their importance and rigidity.
Courtship may include the couple going out together in public, (often known as dating), for a meal, movie, dance, sports or other social activity. Courtship may also involve private activities which usually include much talking together, perhaps by telephone or by electronic means such as text messages or e-mail. There is often exchange of letters, gifts, flowers and songs.

Step one: Some pre-requisites

She must be a friend!

This is true even in the dating model. A romantic relationship is a form of more intimate friendship. If you aren't friends, then you are going to have to expend a lot of time and energy developing a simple friendship, which is going to be a lot more complicated with all these emotions flying around! From a courtship perspective, I am basically entering the first phase of marriage here, so I need to know at least a few things about her and her character to make this rather momentous decision!
Not a great deal has been written on how to transition from 'Hey, I'm interested in you' to courting, i.e. how to grow a relationship from occassional friend (who I don't know enough about to make any decision) to close friend (with whom I would like to take our relationship to the next level). I've thought about this a lot in the last couple of years and will write on it soon (once I work out where it best fits in this series of articles).

She must be a committed Christian

I emphasized "committed" because I would expect to see her commitment to Christ worked out in her daily life. [2 Cor 6:14; See also 'Unequally yoked: Marrying your match!'] She will be eager to know more of God, enjoy going to church, enjoy serving others and generally be a faithful and diligent member of her church and her community. Most importantly of all, she must be willing to address her faults and work them out with God and her leaders. [Pr. 3:11-12; Pr. 1:5-7; Rom. 13:1-5; Lk. 7:6-10] She doesn't have to be perfect by any measure, but she does have to embrace the fire and desire to be more like Jesus, whatever the cost!

She should have similar belief systems to me

We're getting more controversial here, so I just said "should" but this is quite important to me. I'm not talking about totally agreeing with each other about every little point of doctrine, but merely emphasizing that we should have similar views of the world. [Amos 3:3] I enjoy being generous. I enjoy interacting with people from other cultures. I feel that accountability groups are very important for successful Christian life. These aren't essential things, but if my wife doesn't embrace them, it will put extra strain on our relationship -- things that are important to me won't be important to her. Yes, we could work it out, but it's a lot easier to establish these things before marriage than after! I would hope that my wife shares my vision for the generations, and a desire to see people from all nations get saved. I hope she likes VeggieTales too! :)

She must have a dowry

In Jewish culture, both parties had a dowry. Today, this would mean that a husband could probably buy a house whilst his wife could probably furnish it (full amount of three years wages each). [Romans 13:7-8] The responsibility for the wife's dowry lay with her father, ie. it was his blessing on their marriage.
The concept of dowry has been (fairly, IMHO) extended to include character. This means that, just as getting married with a huge financial debt over your head is unwise, so is getting married with a huge emotional debt over your head. Issues such as unforgiveness, bitterness, abuse and lust need to be addressed before marriage. Otherwise marriage might merely be the result of people trying to fulfill these needs in a partner instead of God.
By "dealt with" I mean there should be no areas of unrepentant sin, ie no-one should be able to walk up to you and say "You still ..., and you've never done anything towards fixing it." This is not the same as saying that you never struggle in that area, more that you have addressed all your past struggles. As I said above, perfection isn't necessary, but a desire to change is, as displayed through a commitment to embracing loving confrontation. [Ecc. 11:9; Rom. 13:5; 1 Tim. 3:8-11; 1 Pet 3:15-17]

Step two: Her parents must be involved

The parents would have close relationships with their respective children. The two friends would usually know each other well, have ministered together, served in church together, etc, and so are familiar with each others' values and belief systems.
Based on God's leading, the parents, together with the children, initiate the courtship process. Once both children commit to this process, they are "betrothed." In their cross-family relationships, they should have already addressed all "compatability issues" before this phase of the couple's relationship ever began. I would hope the girl's father is a strong spiritual leader, who could disciple me. Based on his intimate relationship with his daughter, he should have a good understanding of what she wants (and needs!), and through his discipleship of the me, know if I've got it (or help me to grow it).
This is a particularly critical foundation to a sound marriage -- having won the father's trust and support, there is a clear avenue of future advice and encouragement in times of trouble. All too often, parents are forced to side in a problem against the spouse, rather than in support for the marriage. A strong, mutual commitment to each other's success as Godly men provides an established positive advocacy.

Step three: The engagement period

After betrothal comes the commitment to marriage. When the commitment to marriage has been made, the couple are free to express their emotions. Up until this point, they should hide their feelings in their hearts, avoiding expressions such as "I love you" and "I will miss you" which naturally evoke emotional responses.

Step four: A very happy marriage! :)

Of course! ;)

But what if...?

Okay, so that's how it might happen in an ideal world. But what if her parents are dead? Or just aren't Christians? Or are Christians, but don't like the idea of courtship? These are all important questions, and I will address them in turn.

The parents

The most important points about the interaction with the parents is the process; and the principle of submitting to spiritual authorities. Therefore if her parents are no longer alive, or refuse to participate in the courtship process, you could turn to another spiritual authority in her life, like her pastor or youth leader. What is needed is someone who knows her well, who can protect her from "unqualified applicants" and can help her to build a relationship with the right young man.
If the parents aren't Christians, but are willing to be involved in the courtship process, then they should be. God's authority structure still stands, even when it is not fully embraced by those who are part of it. And who knows, your courtship may well be a very influential example to your unsaved parents! It would still be wise, however, to also involve some spiritual authority to cover the spiritual aspects of discipleship and relationship.
And here's quite possibly the hardest question -- what if her parents don't want me to marry her? Then, quite simply, I cannot violate their spiritual authority. I have heard of unsaved fathers who exercised great discernment, one who did not like any of his daughter's suitors prior to the one who married her. She is now very happily married -- and grateful to her dad!
We need to understand that when we marry, we marry the family too. So, if I, their daughter and our spiritual authorities feel we should marry, but her parents still do not, then we would take our case up with God. This is a matter of trust -- is God in control of your world, or her parents? If you truly believe in a sovereign God who answers prayer, then this presents no problem at all! :) I also believe that it is similarly important to have her pastor's blessing.

Her

What if she's divorced, or already had a child out of wedlock? Personally, I feel quite strongly about divorce and remarriage, see 'Covenant and divorce' for further details. Essentially, my conviction is that marriage is an unbreakable life-long covenant that is not based on performance, much like God's salvation covenant to us. Outside of the sin of divorce (which I believe is best resolved through reconciliation with your spouse), no other sin is important to me, as long as she has resolved it with God and those involved. If she has children, then I guess we get some extra blessings right from the word go! :)

Me

I'm really not quite sure what to say here, but it seems I too should have a heading, for completeness! :) I think it is worth noting that, prior to meeting this wonderful woman, I am focusing on building my dowry, both financially and in character -- I am pursuing God and my destiny in him with a passion. And I am praying for her -- that God will guide her, protect her and bring her to me.

Foundational Principles of Courtship

1. Ensure the blessing of God

The greatest asset of any person or marriage is God’s blessing. “The blessing of the LORD, it maketh rich, and he addeth no sorrow with it” (Proverbs 10:22).
No couple will have a happy or prosperous marriage without the blessing of the Lord. If God does not bless them, the devourer will damage and destroy their present and future joy and potential.
A blessed marriage is described in the following passage: “Blessed is every one that feareth the LORD; that walketh in his ways. For thou shalt eat the labour of thine hands: happy shalt thou be, and it shall be well with thee. Thy wife shall be as a fruitful vine by the sides of thine house: thy children like olive plants round about thy table” (Psalm 128).

2. Love the Lord Jesus Christ

Every believer is in a covenant relationship with the Lord and with all other believers. Therefore, the decisions of one believer affect every member of the Body of Christ. If we say we love the Lord, we must realize how our actions demonstrate our love for Him and others.
One way of loving God and others is to keep the commands of Christ, especially as they relate to marriage. Jesus said, “If ye love me, keep my commandments…. He that hath my commandments, and keepeth them, he it is that loveth me: and he that loveth me shall be loved of my Father, and I will love him, and will manifest myself to him” (John 14:15, 21).
“Hereby we do know that we know him, if we keep his commandments. He that saith, I know him, and keepeth not his commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him. But whoso keepeth his word, in him verily is the love of God perfected: hereby know we that we are in him” (I John 2:3–5).

3. Honor parents

The foundational command for the happiness and success of any marriage is “Honour thy father and thy mother” (Exodus 20:12). God emphasized the seriousness of this command by giving the following penalty for breaking it: “For every one that curseth his father or his mother shall be surely put to death: he hath cursed his father or his mother; his blood shall be upon him” (Leviticus 20:9).
There are more than ten Hebrew words describing various degrees of cursing, from a “violent assigning to eternal condemnation” to a “mild disrespect.” The word used in this command is the milder term qalal, which simply means “to make light of ” and “to bring into contempt.”
Jesus singled out this command and reaffirmed it as well as the judgment that went with it. “For God commanded, saying, Honour thy father and mother: and, He that curseth father or mother, let him die the death” (Matthew 15:4).
He went on to condemn the Pharisees for giving lip service to this commandment, but then making it null and void by man-made traditions. (See Matthew 15:6.) It is impossible for a couple—regardless of their age—to keep this commandment if they refuse to listen to the counsel and cautions of their parents on the matter of marriage.
If we say that a person over eighteen years of age has the legal right to make his own marriage decisions, regardless of whether those decisions please his parents or not, we are making the Law of God of no effect by our traditions.
The commandment does not say “Honor parents only if they are believers,” nor does it mean that to honor is always to obey. If parents command a son or daughter to marry outside of God’s will, that son or daughter must respectfully refuse to carry out their wishes.
To violate this command is to experience generations of grief and iniquity. “The eye that mocketh at his father, and despiseth to obey his mother, the ravens of the valley shall pick it out, and the young eagles shall eat it” (Proverbs 30:17).
Paul pointed out that although this is the fifth commandment in the Decalogue, it is the first command to have a promise attached to it: “Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth [good health and prosperity]” (Ephesians 6:2–3).
God has entrusted to the parents, and especially to the father, the responsibility to give the daughter in marriage. Most wedding ceremonies affirm this fact when the minister asks, “Who gives this woman to this man?” (See also Exodus 22:16–17; I Corinthians 7:38.)

4. Determine marriage readiness

There are many practical considerations that parents need to evaluate before giving their blessing to a marriage.

Does the young man have moral purity and victory over lust? (Involvement in pornography will make it impossible for him to love his wife.)
Does the young man realize that in marriage he must give control of his body to his wife and she must submit to him? (See I Corinthians 7:4.)
Is the young man sanctifying himself by engrafting Scripture into his heart and soul, so that he can cleanse his wife by the Word? (See Ephesians 5:25–26.)
Does the young man have the character and the skills to support a marriage and family? What proof does he have of this?
Are both parties free of bitterness and guilt so they can “leave father and mother” and cleave to each other?
Does the young man have a clear purpose in life that his wife can support?
Are both parties living in total openness and in genuine love? (See I John 2:10.)

5. Discern God’s will

Since God has given the father of the girl the responsibility to protect her purity (see Deuteronomy 22:15) and the father of the young man the responsibility to evaluate his son’s wisdom (see Proverbs 10:1), God’s first line of direction will be through them.
However, even though all of the parents give their blessing, the marriage may still not be God’s will. For example, if one party is an unbeliever, marriage to that person would violate Scripture. “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers” (II Corinthians 6:14).
Also, if the son or daughter has been called by God to more years of single service, an appeal should be made to their parents for their blessing. In any case, the parents cannot force a marriage, because the individual has the final say. (See Genesis 24:58, Matthew 19:10–12, I Corinthians 7:25–37, and Isaiah 56:1–8.)
If one party has been married and divorced, and the previous partner is still living, it would not be God’s will for that individual to marry another person. (See Luke 16:18, Romans 7:1–3, I Corinthians 7, Malachi 2:13–16, Mark 10:1–12, Matthew 5:27–32, and Matthew 19:1–12.)
Note: The “exception clause” does not mean what many today think it means. When the disciples understood it, they exclaimed, “If the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry” (Matthew 19:10).

6. Establish a covenant marriage

Marriage is not a contract between two people; it is a sacred covenant between two people, two families, and God, with witnesses to the vows.
A covenant marriage is joined by God and continues “till death do us part.” In a covenant relationship, there is no tolerance of competing affections in either party. God has serious consequences for those who violate their covenant vows. (See Ecclesiastes 5:1–7, Proverbs 6:23–35, Romans 7:1–3, Romans 1:31–32, etc.)
Any minister who allows for divorce and remarriage, but leads a couple in the vows “till death do us part,” must answer to God for lying to Him and causing a couple to lie to God. It would be more appropriate to vow “till divorce do us part,” although that would violate a covenant relationship and reveal a lack of genuine love.

7. Benefit the world

Paul points out that all believers are of the spiritual seed of Abraham. God blessed Abraham and said, through “thy seed shall all the families of the earth be blessed” (Genesis 28:14).
Jesus said to His disciples, “Ye are the salt of the earth… Ye are the light of the world” (Matthew 5:13–14). Paul also instructed us, “As we have therefore opportunity, let us do good unto all men, especially unto them who are of the household of faith” (Galatians 6:10).
Those who are married with the blessing of God and their parents are “heirs together of the grace of life” (I Peter 3:7) and can raise up sons and daughters who are mighty in God’s Spirit.
“Blessed is the man that feareth the LORD, that delighteth greatly in his commandments. His seed shall be mighty upon earth: the generation of the upright shall be blessed” (Psalm 112:1–2).

Conclusion

The actual pattern of a courtship relationship will vary from one couple to another, because no two couples or situations are the same. However, any courtship would benefit by incorporating the principles listed above.
One of the valuable rewards of courtship is the protection of emotions that are stirred up by physical and emotional interaction, until the time when it is clearly God’s will to proceed into marriage.
If, during the time of courtship, one party realizes that this is not God’s will and ends the relationship, it can still be regarded as a successful courtship, because God directed and the individuals were not damaged.

WHO IS MY SOUL MATE??????????

Who is my soul mate?

A soul mate is a phrase that is used to describe two people, (a woman and a man)

who were created by God and ordained by His will to be a husband and wife.

When a divine connection which relates two souls in heaven fulfils it's physical task of uniting those two souls,

(a man and a woman reaching the physical state of deciding to become husband and wife) through a bond of a marriage covenant.

Then that physical act of getting married is called "soul-mate".Two souls meeting or uniting their strength through the covenant of marriage, so that they may fulfil their divine and godly commission on the earth.

The word soul derives from the Hebrew word called "Nashimah" which means; "God's breath".

Genesis 2:7 says: God formed the human body of the man out of the dust of the ground, and He breathed the breath (nashimah) of life into the nostril of the man, and the man became a living soul.

The word "mate" means to bring together, to join, to match two together, to relate two people together via the act of sexual intercourse, or to fit together.

Genesis2:24: says therefore a man shall leave his father and mother, (leave his natural identity) and be joined to his wife and they shall become one flesh, (soul mates).

The ultimate purpose of why two souls bind together as soul-mates:

Consequently, each spouse may only reach his or her spiritual fulfilment and perfection by means of their union, (marriage, two souls mates; a husband and wife united together through the covenant of marriage).

when the lives of two married souls are conducted with purity, (Living according to God's laws which governs marriage), then these two people who are joined as one in marriage,

can be able to excel their natural boundaries which governs and controls their natural events, circumstances, bad fortunes, weather, fear, diseases, famine, ancestral curses which derives from their father's and mother' house etc...

thus; enabling these two souls, (soul mates) to be able to use their spiritual identity as a channel which brings the advancement, civilization and the development that elevates and transforms the physical earth into God's dwelling place.

How do I find my soul mate?

Life on the earth a is physical journey though whence the human soul confronts physical hindrances, (natural events) and obstacles that may try to hinder one's soul from finding his/her soul-mate, but through spiritual intervention,

and one's obedience towards spiritual instructions and fulfillment of God's commandments, the soul of a person is able to come into physical contact and relationship with its soul mate.